Wow...been a while.

Well I have been busy here lately and I haven't posted in a while. Sorry 'bout that...I will be posting more and more here soon.

This song describes what I am going thru very well...if you haven't heard it before just go to my myspace page: http://myspace.com/bamabasstalker



"Figure.09"

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
It's like nothing I can do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words I could say I
Put all pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting it free I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me

(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

[Chorus]
(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)

Hearing your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I see you in every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them and everyday
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me

(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

[Chorus]
(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)

(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)
(Never goes away)

(Get away from me)
Give me my space back you gotta just
(Go)
Everything comes down the memories of
(You)
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you
(Know)
I let you go so get away from
(Me)
Give me my space back you gotta just
(Go)
Everything comes down the memories of
(You)
I've kept it but now I'm letting you
(Know)
I let you go

(And now)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be right here)
(You've become a part of me)
(You'll always be my fear)
(I can't separate)
(Myself from what I've done)
(Giving up a part of me)
(I've let myself become you)

I've let myself become you
I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you
Giving up a part of me, I've let myself become you

Water under the Bridge.

Is it water under the bridge or is it more?

I am so wore out...First off driving home with no A/C and its as hot as it is. I get home and mow the yard. No big deal so I cook me some supper and try to get my school work done.

While I get my school work started it seems that I have a message and it is driving me crazy. Why? I apologized personally they didnt think that was good enough. So here I am, I'm saying sorry for things that I have wrote. Maybe I was harsh but there has been things said to me and things shoved in my face that I dont deserve one freaking bit. Do I? When I say shoved in my face it is constantly shoved.

Am I bad person? Have I dont things to deserve this treatment?

Oh Well I got to go to bed, maybe one day they will realize what the real deal is and hopefully it wont be too late.

Water under the bridge....

Was it an overrated love or just jealousy?

And the Survey says!....Overrated Love


As I sit here thinking about the past, well I try not to do this a lot as it is time consuming when I could be doing something more productive, and It hit me that sometimes Love is way Overrated. It could be said that the time period of my life from summer of 2000 till the spring of ’08 was a veritable waste of 8 years of my life or better yet the majority of my 20’s. I say this because I was 21 when I met the ex wife and 22 after we were married. I turned 30 after our divorce so I should say it was 9 years but who is counting.

With this being said I can honestly say that the birth of my three, wonderful little girls was definitely not a waste. This had to be the best thing about the entire span of my 20’s because the marriage was an absolute joke.

A joke you say? Yes a joke, plain and simple. IF I had it to do over again I would have stayed with the one that I should have been with and fought to keep her. Now people say that hindsight is 20/20 but I am serious on this one. I have thought and thought about it and I wish that it had not have of happened because all I did was get hurt and my children have been hurt even more than I have. But hey, I am a big boy and can admit to defeat when I am beaten.

That is why I am writing this as writing helps me to better resolve issues that I have. I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy my marriage because I did. It just wore me out being the third wheel in a marriage when I was the HUSBAND. I don’t have hatred in my soul for my ex, which is true. I do however feel very let down and angry about the fact that she does not try to see the kids more often than she does. Twice in one year? C’mon that’s pathetic. These kids are your flesh and blood!

It must be nice to live a carefree life and not have any bills or anything to worry about; especially when you don’t work, or even make an attempt to pay child support. Yes I am one of the few cases were the father has full custody of the children in a divorce. I would not have it any other way and will fight till the end to keep it that way. If she continues to act the way she does I won’t have to fight too hard with her poor record since the children have been with me.

In closing I would like to say that I did love my ex but it seems that I was trying to make someone jealous at the time when I asked her to marry me. I did not know what to do when it did not work the way I wanted it to. It just seemed to me that the right to do later on was to stay with her. Especially when she told me she was pregnate that changed my mind as I was going to be a father.

I regret things happening that the kids have to suffer but I was not going to continue to live a tourtured and miserable life. Also I refuse to live with out my children. She will always be the mother to my children but that is as far as it goes.

Here comes that thing called hind sight again...In a way I am glad that I did not get the one that I was trying to get back. Why? Because I would not have the three best girls in the world in my living room right now. They are worth all the strife and suffering that I had to endure the past few years.

I hope you enjoyed reading my blog and I will post daily.

While reading this blog you have thoughts you want to share with me, feel free to email me or look me up on Facebook (Eric Couch),Twitter (BamaBass), or Myspace (Bamabasstalker). I will accept friend requests if you reference my blog.